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[Promoting the Semi-Slacker Society]

July 31, 1997 by Dave Kristula
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Most people over in European countries work a lot less than those of us in the U.S. Of course, by being lazy over there is not consider a slacker lifestyle, rather it is just the norm.

In the states, things are much different. If you arenít completely productive 40 hours a week and just lay back most of the day you are almost always considered a slacker. Here, we want many more conveniences, 24-hour services, and everything to be ready the exact second we need or want it to be. Of course, in a completely slacker society this isnít possible, because no one wants to work, so if you want something done you have to get off your lazy butt and do it yourself.

In public education, too little emphasis is placed on individuality. Especially with all of its ignorance is bliss strict content guidelines. You have a kid interested in chemistry, so you force him into a 20 page biology science fair. And vice versa. WHY? Even I cannot answer such a simple question. IGNORANCE? Maybe. LOW-BUDGET SCHOOLS? Yeah right, have you seen my property tax?

Without being able to take pride in ones individual interests, more and more kids are taking the ignorant, Ďgotta-work for someone else instead of starting my own business and hopefully after 20 years Iíll be rewarded somehowí outlook on life. What exactly are they looking for? A promotion? A raise? Well, the most likely occurrence is that they will be replaced by someone younger, with more experience and qualifications, who is willing to work the same hours for much less money.

Personally, I havenít even graduation high school or college. Does that mean you are going to respect me any less? I havenít had any complaints yet. After all, I do what I am supposed to, write articles that make you think. If you donít like it, I could care less. Just leave. Try www.aol.com, it is SOOO much more interesting. ;)

Should I expect the same feeling of satisfaction and recognition I get here by working for someone else in the "old society" ? Sure, I could expect it, but I doubt I would receive it. And then after all my hard work, the higher-ups would take advantage of it with their extra benefits and stock options. What would I get? Maybe a free tee shirt at Christmas.

Many from the semi-slacker society which I live through often fear that others will discover the simple lifestyle we have enjoyed for so long. High salary jobs, little work hours, and no boss. What could be easier? Of course, security may be an issue, but who cares. Itís a lot less stressful than working 40 hours a week in traditional occupations.

Luckily, there will always be ignorant people in the world. Someone to flip my burger, fold my taco, and piss on my apple in the orchard. (You did realize there *was* a good reason your parents told you to wash your apple, didnít you? *laugh*) That is the way we designed the public education system to be. Raise stupid ignorant kids, and just hope the smart ones realize the alternative lifestyle.

So the traditional society decided to make it hard on people such as myself. If you donít work 40 hours a week, twice as long as needed to be productive, youíll be mocked because of your individualism. Youíll just be called a slacker, but hey, for twice the salary, isnít it worth it?

So how does the semi-slacker society operate? We take advantage of automation. Take what was once done by hand, and let a machine do it instead. And donít pay the machine, that would be kind of stupid. Itís rather simple. Then take some of your salary, and put it into wisely picked stocks. In companies ripping of the people who work 40 hours a week. Just take their profits, you deserve it for not being so ignorant.

As technology advances, you can become lazier and lazier. Next month, my rough drafts for articles will be tapped into my US Robotics PalmPilot, instead of wasting valuable paper resources. Just think of all the lower costs I will spend on office paper, not to mention having my trash hauled away every week.

Now that Iíve shared my ideas with you I will allow you back to your 40 hour workweek while I sleep until 2pm for the next few decades. Maybe Iíll even go back to high school and get a diploma. Then again, I might as well just buy a plot of the moon for $16... it looks just as pretty framed on the wall in my air conditioned office in my corporate center.

  Dave Kristula is the Editor of SLASH.
	He seems to like being a slacker.
	His readers seem to appreciate it.
	Why should he change then? :P
	He can be reached via email at
        themag.editor@davesite.com
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